Porky's

              Having suffered through A Most Boring Year, I decided to take a back to basic's kind of turn, basically finding a more dumb but harmless type of film. Surprisingly the film Porky's was on YouTube in full movie form, and I don't know where I've heard of the movie maybe an episode of Two and a Half Men. But something kind of drove me into watching it basically because I haven't seen it but was 90 minutes long and so, I thought what the Hell, why not. 

              High school friends Pee Wee (Dan Monahan), Tommy (Wyatt Knight), Billy (Mark Herrier) and Mickey (Roger Wilson) want to lose their virginity. But when they're kicked out of a strip club after the owner, Porky (Chuck Mitchell), takes their money, they plot revenge. While they try to get back at him, they deal with other teen troubles, including Pee Wee worrying about his private parts, as well as their sexually opinionated gym teacher (Kim Cattrall) and spy hole in the girl's locker room.

              I slowly realized while watching the movie was that this was the film that inspired the American Pie genre and in fact Porky's and Bachelor Party, we're the inspirations the making of American Pie. Now I haven't seen much of the first American Pie movie, and I've seen short bits of the sequel mainly the lesbian sequences (where they get caught), sue me I'm a guy. Anyway, getting back on track I'm not at all big on the American Pie films because in all honesty I would rather forget my high school years as would any normal person would for many good reasons my high school memories were boring as f**k. But with this movie I believe there's something about it that just capture's my attention mainly, it's the fact that they set the film in the 50's and I doubt that kids back in the 50's would ever do anything that real life kids would of done in the 50's, and I've talk to my parents and my Mom would say that in her high school memoires they didn't do anything exciting considering they grew up more in the sixties and my Dad, well, he smoked so could of been going through a John Travolta phase. Surprisingly enough writer and director, Bob Clark wrote Porky's based on his high school memories in Florida for which he was raised in, unfortunately none of the studios in Hollywood would even touch the movie and so, Clark decided to shoot the film in Canada for mostly to obtain government tax benefits and it's basically to get sole credit or getting final cut of the film. Although strange thing about this movie and sure there's hicks in Canada hence after watching twelve seasons of Letterkenny, as well as Clark setting the film in 1950's Florida in the Canadian swamps I would assume, and yet Clark couldn't afford a Black actor for the movie and decided to go with a Jewish character? For which sure, if that has to do with budgetary concerns in terms of the movie being green lit either way the Southern Hicks hate anything that's not white so, deep down it doesn't really matter but you could make more racial tension and drama in a sleezy comedy with casting a black actor but I would imagine he didn't have enough money or just couldn't afford it, although I doubt any African American's would even want to set foot in 50's Florida so that would make a lot of sense and Bob Clark probably had only one Jewish student he was friends with maybe and granted I could make a ton of theories but let's be frank Porky's isn't available on any streaming service besides YouTube so, let's just drop that. Though yes, this film is the sleaze of sleazy sex comedies especially when the entire film is shot in Canada and yet very creative to have beaches involved when there's not a whole lot of beaches in Canada though I'm just guessing from the many sands I've seen. That being said this film does have really interesting and a few funny moments especially scenes where I'm not sure if the actors are accidently breaking character or Clark wanted those scenes where the actors are laughing, and the infamous scene where young Kim Cattrall is turned on by the boys locker room, for which that's a girl to meet your parents especially when you boy can't clean their rooms. But Kim Cattrall is screaming loudly that all the gym students and coaches are hearing it and one of the coaches is laughing uncontrollably. And the same scene where a butch female, gym teacher is telling the Principal about a boy's yoo-hoo and I'm not going any further in terms of spoiling the story but through the course of that entire scene the coaches are uncontrollably laughing that by end of it the Principal is laughing too and then Clark is zooming to a frame of a past principal maybe, that has a smile on his face, and yet it's so funny because sure you would even laugh uncontrollably too, and again scenes like those I don't know if they were intentional or not but it just makes the scene even better. Look bottom line if I had to make a choice to re-watch over again, I would defiantly be Porky's just because of its uncontrollable cast laughing and the fact that most of these movies you'd never expect a come togetherness and with this film you do and for me that rare and special all at the same time and I would for certain watch this than make an attempt to watch American Pie. 

           

Movies I haven't seen in a While: A Most Violent Year

 

             Doing one last look at the Blu-Ray collection I intend to send over to Goodwill or any thrift store out there. I want to make sure I was making the right choice or better term to see if this would be used for better purposes was A Most Violent Year. And to be truthfully honest I'm making the right choice in sending this movie to exile where all forgotten movies go, I mean who remembers Black Swan by Darren Aronofsky? Anyone, Anybody? Ah hell, what am I even typing about nobody cares.

             In 1981, New York City faces a dangerous year on record. An ambiguous immigrant fights to protect his growing business and family from the city's rampant and corruption.

             If there was one thing I would say is not right about the movie it would most certainly be the title of the film. For which it should be called A Most Boring Year Not a Most Violent Year, because the entire film was a complete bore fest, I mean sure you got to give it a title not something that people can leave or avoid it but the other factor is that I doubt this film was ever in a movie theater. After watching the movie, I had to admit that I don't know why I bought this movie mainly because of Jessica Chastain, and it came out at a local Hastings Bookstore back then when Hastings Bookstore was still a thing, ugh I miss those days. Through the course of the years, I never really got through the whole movie and just left in on my collection for quite some time until now, and there's a good reason as to why I decided to send this movie to a made-up Ark of the Covenant aka Thrift store. I think one of the many, many things that needs to be included in a crime thriller or gangster movie is a shootout scene or at least two or three actions scenes just to keep the movie up, this movie has the record of more talking and making threats and less shoot outs. And in all honesty you could of set this movie in the 90's New York if your wanting to make a character whose moral code is to be an honest business, but if your setting it in the early 80's New York where the entire city was a s**t hole and cops are corrupt as always you have to at least arm your drivers to defend themselves because their obviously their going to be robbed and Oscar Issacs character is still choosing to not defend his drivers or let them be armed because he's trying to make a clean business but let's be brutally honest here oil tycoons are bad but the LEFTIES ARE THE WORST! Which is how this country was found upon isn't it? It started with businessmen building the future and the failed upwards are the ones that b***h and complain about how the conservative or progressive are destroying the environment. And yet for some reason people say that this is one of the greatest movies that came out of A24 Studios and I find that to be insane because this is the most boring film of all time. Moreover, if this is the greatest movie out of A24 why their many plot holes in this movie from Jessica Chastain’s characters background of are being a daughter of a Mafia Boss but we don't even see him or even see her family. More importantly, who were the people that stole Oscar Issacs oil? I mean, I still don't know who stole his oil other than having to seek help from Google and told me that it was small time crooks not rival gangsters, but the ending didn't make any sense at all, but in all fairness this entire film doesn't make any sense. The movie itself is considered to be a slow burn movie and by definition a slow burn movie is supposed to be more of deep character development and tension or build mystery you know something that would get you focused in the movie, but try telling that to anyone who has ADHD who wants at least some action involved or SOMETHING happening, and A Most Violent Year doesn't have any of that all it has is both Oscar Issacs and Jessica Chastain chewing the scenery and sure, but everyone is still going to be bored watching this until you get to chewing the scenery parts. If you’re a fan of Slow Burners then A Most Violent or Boring Year is the film for you and it's also on HBO Max, but this film is a great example of if you’re going to make a crime drama you have to have at least two or three shootouts involved and tell your protagonist that your living in 80's New York City, the s**tiest city along 80's LA because the Cops and District Attorney are corrupt and will obviously never help you at all. And this movie I must tell everyone to avoid this movie and as of right now is going to be thrown into the ugliest parts of a thrift store.

         

August Recommendation: Arthur the King

 

            Just when I thought I was not going to watch another movie about a Dog, I'm being pulled back in. Now if you haven't seen films like Where the Red Fern Grows or Marley and Me, you would understand what I'm talking about. Although this film, I'm more importantly glad to have watched because there are times when I want to see the good in humanity and it's hard to find that but when films like Arthur the King come around, seeing that good in people really becomes special as well as a worthy recommendation for the month of August.

            Desperate for one last chance to win, Michael Light (Mark Wahlberg) convinces a sponsor to back him and a team of athletes for the Adventure Racing World Championship in the Dominican Republic. As the team gets pushed to the outer limits of endurance, a dog named Arthur comes along for the ride, redefining what victory, loyalty and friendship truly means. 

            If you know me pretty well, there's no question that I'm a dog lover as well as a cat person, and I always cherish more about the pets in my life then I do with human beings at times mainly because they give more heart than other humans at times, and for me personally their hard times to even find the good in humanity I only find the good and calm with dogs and cats. Now, I will admit it was one of those days where my mom chooses to watch Arthur the King though I told her I'm not that good at holding my emotions hence Marley and Me and one other movie. Though granted at times the movie felt slow and I had that hate in your heart through the course of the movie and then my Mom's dog Gibby would give me that look of "hey, it's time for a walk and I may need to let everyone know if any dogs or out there and need to know them" and so, I didn't watch the middle act of the film but I would imagine it would me a typical getting the band back together type of a film. And so, I took Gibby for a walk and luckily came back at the best time of the film where it gets good as well as rooting for Mark Wahlberg and Arthur making it to the finish line. And then when it gets to that suspense of Arthur following the crew to the finish line and hoping he would catch up but yet by the end of the film the movies more about the loyalty then the win and to me that's what makes the film special is you see both Mark and Arthur having bad lucks at life always getting the rough end of the deal and nobody giving him a chance and yet these two are able to find each other and they both would do anything for the other, and also the way Mark is able to handle Arthur is the same way I would handle Gibson strangely enough, when every he wants to go outside and want to bark outside I'd do it no doubt about it, and then of course they're times where he give me the look of wanting to go on a walk as well as wanting attention and the scene where Arthur was shook up about going inside and instead chooses to sleep outside that would almost be the same situation I would almost do, though granted they're both similar ways but in all honesty I would just do either way because I would chew out people than a pup whose more innocent and doesn't know what he or she is doing wrong. To the film's credit this does have a good list of actors besides Mark Wahlberg, Nathalie Emmanuel who gained success with Game of Thrones does a excellent job and the same go with Simu Liu whose Shang-Chi in the MCU and each of them including Mark Wahlberg and each of them did a fantastic job. Granted I didn't see a good portion of the movie but for me what makes the movie is a man and a dog each going through rough times in their lives are able to find each other and will do anything to stay alive and able to love each other to the very end as well as save each other from themselves. And I get it, the world is filled with so much chaos and toxicity that we tend to suffocate ourselves but when movies like this that give you a sense of home that there is still some life of humanity still there, to me that's something special even when it comes between a man and a dog, for which is a million reasons why a dogs a man's best friend. Arthur the Dog is a movie I would most certainly watch again though I don't know if I can keep my emotions in check because I'm a sap when a dog’s life is on the line but this is the one movie where I actually forgive Mark Wahlberg for the many bad films, he was in, moreover declaring to never call him Markie Mark anymore. And really for Mark being very series with his faith in God as well as being a great Christian I have to say I admire him a lot for that, and he's choosing better roles instead of mediocre roles that shows the sign of a great actor. Arthur the King shows a tone of heart in my opinion and that's a rare thing to see, especially in a decade where it's just getting obscure with toxicity and so, much hate furthermore Arthur the King shows that even in bad times you can always wake up to the good things you’re not even close to pay attention and that's the beauty of Arthur the King and is the reason why it's worthy for my recommendation for the month of August. 

     

            

Movies I haven't seen in a while: Unfriended

 

             

             I was scrounging through my Blu-Ray collection just finding some movies that I figured I haven't seen though don't have the intention in watching again, and for some strange reason I purchased the movie Unfriended don't know why though granted this was another one of those movies I randomly watched at the movie theater, in my defense at the time I was able to score some free movie theater popcorn and can't beat that. And so, I decided to take a leap of faith and re-watch this bizarre premise and noticed something strange but also may have to keep in my collection.

              One night a bunch of teenagers take part in an online group chat session, they are suddenly joined by a user known only as "Billie227." Thinking it's just a technical glitch becomes a sudden turn of events where the strange user is a ghost from the past about to take revenge on these teenagers. 

              In the 2010's era I never really thought as much as to why I went to so many of these bad movies, I mean sure it's free popcorn but I guess I was following into this critical stage of making sure everyone was staying away from these kinds of films like a normal critic, but later on in life I didn't realize that being a real critic is most certainly one of the worst jobs on the entire planet, I mean sure it's fun to be getting paid to watch movies and review them but deep down your getting paid to watch nothing but absolute crap and from 2010's to now it was almost nothing but garbage. And so, when watching Unfriended there were certain elements of the film that I liked but then re-watching I suddenly realized that there are some elements I forgot but also extremely boring in the first act. Speaking of elements I forgot, does anyone remember Skype? I sure do, and holy crap never have I forgotten how bad Skype was, and this was going back to my Television job and through the course of my morning shift majority of our interviews consist of skype, and it goes from the annoying ringtone you'd hear before someone answers to the abomination that is the bad camera where it would just be terrible to never working at all, and rewatching this movie triggered bad memories I had of skype and even when it comes to kids it becomes even more annoying, though granted I never suffered in a same house with a bunch of teenagers. Moreover the opening act of the movie is basically you’re going through the movie of one of the main characters is doing research but the problem is that it's a good sixteen minutes to at least twenty minutes into the movie and it gets insanely boring especially when you’re watching this film on your own television. There are some decent kills that are entertaining like a teenage girl swallowing a hot curling iron or putting your own hand in the blender, but yet again this film is set on skype conversation so, you don't get a whole lot of the entertaining kills like the seeing them full without the crappy skype camera. Now the story does have a great twist of events between the second and third act where each of the five remaining characters are not what they claim to be especially the main character and that's defiantly the best part of the whole movie and yet the bad thing about it is you have to put up with the first act of the movie for which is a bore fest. At first, I wasn't sure if I was planning to get rid of this movie or put it in the dirtiest part of the closet or just give it to the local Goodwill store. Either way talking about the bad memories of Skype just makes me feel depressed, the good thing is that this film is nowhere to be found on any streaming service so, that's at least a plus. If I had to a choice to recommend this movie or sacrifice this movie to the pagan Gods I would choose sacrificing this movie to the pagan Gods. So, listen this there's a reason as to why this film is forgotten because it came out in the January-April movie season where nothing was good in the cinemas, and if you want to find a dumb horror movie I would just watch all Friday the 13th films. 

     

Pineapple Express

 

          

          After watching The Big Lebowski I figured maybe I find another good quality stoner movie, and I don't know if Pineapple Express was that good choice but it was at least a somewhat decent movie though then again, this is probably going to be one of those films where I might forget for a long while. Although granted the first opening act of the movie was at least better and intriguing.

        Stoner Dale Denton's (Seth Rogen) enjoyment of a rare strain of marijuana may prove fatal when he drops his roach in a panic after witnessing a murder. Upon learning that the fancy weed can be traced back to them, Dale and his dealer (James Franco) go on the run, with a dangerous drug lord (Gary Cole) and crooked cop (Rosie Perez) hot on their heels.

         I feel like personally, that if you've seen a stoner movie like Pineapple Express you've pretty much seen them all and me it's of course it's Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back and Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, and both of those films are simple and they get to the point by end of the movie as well as getting high all the time. And with Pineapple Express, sure Seth Rogan is a enjoyable comedic actor, and some of his films are enjoyable to watch but that's pretty much it, furthermore at times they just continue to get high all the time and I feel like this movie should of been cut to at least 80 minutes tops. Now don't get me wrong there is some great comedic moments especially when you have Seth Rogan and Amber Heard playing the dysfunctional couple especially when he's dating an underage kid and through the course of the movie she proposes the idea of marriage and Rogen's character is just "ooh yeah" and I think it's funny especially this actually fits Amber Heard when you think about it especially when she made Johnny Depp's life a living hell. The opening scene where it's set in the late 1930's and the Government is testing Marijuana and Bill Hader steals the whole show with his performance as a testing rat, and yet I think to myself "why don't they set this in the pre-WWII era?" I mean it would be a lot funnier and we'd never see anything like that well despite Reefer Madness but that's barely a movie so, technically doesn't count but still, ah hell, I guess this proves yet again this is one of those movies where you’re obviously not going to get the best stoner movie. For a sort of action movie? It does have some funny moments, and I was glad they at least had the scenes where James Franco and Rosie Perez are fighting as well as Seth Rogan's hilarious jump towards Gary Cole but other than that this film does have some good and decent action moments. If you looking for something dumb but funny this film I would sort of recommend watch, in fact the film is on Peacock and Tubi but then this film is a good once over type of film where you only have to watch it once and maybe a couple of years from now just sit down and watch it again so the jokes can refresh itself. In terms of a stoner movie after watching the Big Lebowski this film was okay-ish and granted it’s not all bad. 

Take the Money and Run

 

                  Knocking off more movies in my brother's list of movies. And strangely enough in his list he wants me to watch a Woody Allen movie, and to those who haven't heard of Woody Allen sure, the guy is a famous director with some iconic movies but long story short the guy later in life married his step-daughter and sure yes, you can argue that it's not technically his daughter but when you add STEP-daughter into how you met your second or third wife! It, really and I mean really becomes weird. 

                  Virgil Starkwell (Woody Allen) is intent on becoming a notorious bank robber. Unfortunately for Virgil and his not-so-budding career, he is completely incompetent. Presented in mockumentary format, the film features interviews of his family and friends as well as his wife. 

                  I still didn't understand at the time before watching this movie, as to why my brother would even tell me to watch a Woody Allen movie, I mean I personally never was interested in Woody Allen as a filmmaker mainly because the guy is almost the same way as Spike Lee in a opposite sense that they both shoot their movies in New York City furthermore they guy beat out George Lucas for best director and best picture at the 1978 Academy Awards for which why would I even watch any of this guy’s movies when the one movie Annie Hall is not as great as the original Star Wars. Anyway, my own brother put what maybe his first movie on his list and I figured why not, I'll give this movie a chance. And ten minutes into the movie I was strangely intrigued as to what I was watching because it pretty much started off as a bizarre documentary and slowly realized that this movie was the first ever Mockumentary format for which really, when you watch earlier episodes of The Office or Parks and Recreation, Woody Allen was one of the first people to actually bring this type of genre to the pioneer stage in film or television. Moreover, I'll have to admit it does have this strange sense of hilariousness and quirkiness that you can't help but want to watch how Woody's character is able to get himself out of any situation and by end of it still gets himself back to prison. Now, I'll still say that even though I haven't seen Annie Hall yet I would still argue and say that Star Wars is a billion times better than Annie Hall and for the winning answer that would explain Annie Hall is that "if you've seen one romantic/comedy, then you've seen every romantic/comedy out there", but in all fairness they're maybe something in Allen's earlier work and I may take the time in watch some of his earlier work in the seventies, though not go to the eighties and then when he talks about marrying his step-daughter sorry, not sorry people but if you don't want me to talk about his most memorable marriage then he shouldn't be doing very weird and disturbing things that even I wouldn't want to talk about on this blog. Of all the Woody Allen movies I've seen which is one, Take the Money and Run is such a fascinating and yet strangely/entertaining movie I've seen out of Woody Allen's filmography and that's not much of saying, and so, if you’re looking to expand your horizons with Woody Allen then I would highly recommend watching Take the Money and Run. Luckily, I found this on YouTube so, if you want to spend a ton of money on a DVD or Blu-Ray or you can take the lazy way out and just watch this movie on YouTube, that way if you don't like the film or love the film you can just keep it or delete it on your YouTube history. 

          

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

 

                 Trying to find some laid back films mostly realizing August is a back to school special in about a couple of weeks from now and I was trying to find some movies to watch and after celebrating my brother's birthday with watching The Big Lebowski (Coen Bro's Classic), and to be fair I was just browsing around my Peacock account and saw Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I figured, well what the hell this is another one of those iconic films that I haven't had the interest to watch at the time and decided to give this movie a chance and yet thought this was the most amusing movie I've ever seen.

                 Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) has an uncanny skill at cutting classes and getting away with it. Intending to make one last duck-out before graduation, Ferris calls in sick, "borrows" a Ferrari, and embarks on a one-day journey through the streets of Chicago. On Ferris' trail is high school principal Rooney (Jeffery Jones), determined to catch him in the act. 

                 I think back on the last John Hughes movie I've seen, was back in high school with my Godparents group, and it was The Breakfast Club and I just wasn't all that interested in the movie basically I was a high school kid who wasn't all interested in high school drama because I was dealing with my own high school drama, hell it's the reasons why I was a hardcore fan of Linkin Park and Evanescence. Watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off for the first time I was actually intrigued of how Matthew Broderick's is able to get away with some of these gimmicks he creates, like it's almost if Ferris Bueller was a serial killer and you take his wacky gimmicks in terms of how he's able to kill his victims that is how I kind of envisioned it if this was a Dexter/John Hughes type of film. All jokes a side I doubt any high school kid now, especially my high school era was able to get away with any of Bueller's gimmicks but it's amusing as well as, loving how charming Broderick's character is through the course of the film and sure he's deceiving in a childish way but he's defiantly one of those kids in High School I would love to hang out, especially if I was in the Chicago area. Hearing that John Hughes was born and raised in Chicago, so of course it makes sense that a good portion of his films are based in Chicago, and claims that writing the movie is a love letter to the city and I would imagine if I made a sort of crime film I would base some of the locations in the Central area of Nebraska. The real scene stealer through the course of the movie and no, it's not Jennifer Grey, it's Alan Ruck who plays Broderick's best friend, and it surprisingly famous for this movie as well as Twister, and TV shows like Spin City and Connor Roy in the HBO hit show Succession. And he has a great character arc of at first being a stickler for rules being worried about everything and then has a come to Jesus realization about how awful is Dad is both great and scary at the same time because it feels like he's having a nervous breakdown and yet finally says F-it and a side from him wearing a Gordie Howe, Red Wings sweater when he's living in the Chicago area but deep down I though Ruck's performance was the best part of the film along with Broderick getting away with anything and rushing back to his house. This film does have me on the edge of how is Bueller able to get away with any of this that you obviously can't do now, because all high school kids including me weren't smart to do any of this, it still put a smile on my face and that's all that matters and now I hope to look into more of John Hughes other films besides the Home Alone films. So, if you have a Peacock account and want to prepare your kids for going back to school, I will highly recommend watching this with your kids as well as enjoying it with them as you go along with their high school years. Though I would tell them to always make good choices and avoid watching any of the High School Musical movies, because that's at least bulls**t in my opinion and this film is at least more steps into the reality realm.