Anaconda

 

 

        You remember the song from Sir-Mix-a-Lot, Baby Got Back? As well as the lyric "my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun"? Well six years prior to the release of that classic song I never thought they would come out with a movie titled Anaconda. And no, it's not about a man's polish sausage. It's all about a huge ass, computer generated Anaconda, and the fact that they promote this movie to be a scary, type of a film is funny to watch even after all those years.

        Filmmaker Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez) is traveling deep the amazon jungle looking for a forgotten tribe. Terri and her crew, which includes an anthropologist (Eric Stoltz) and a cameraman (Ice Cube), come across Paul (Jon Voight), who is stranded on the riverbank. He offers to help but secretly puts the entire crew in danger by hunting a very big snake.

        I was aware of this movie by the time of its release as well as seeing the film on cable TV couple of times but, again was one of those films that I never in a million years had the interest in wanting to watch the movie, until now when I saw the film on a local streaming service I figured "what the hell" like I had nothing better to do. Not a whole lot of development info I could find in terms of the film, other than the CGI for the Anacondas cost roughly 100,000 dollars per second, for which sh*t I don't know how they were able to accomplish that though it was piss poor job since the snake looks so, bad that you can look how fake it is to even seen almost like a Sharknado type of bad. As much as I want to make jokes about Jennifer Lopez role choices but sadly this movie along with Selena, was her big break before she became the crazy woman that divorces more men than the Dallas Cowboys not trying to win a Super Bowl. The same goes with Ice Cube because that man was only in certain movie like Boyz in the Hood or Friday because he's kind of like a Daniel Day Lewis type of actor that only picks the certain movies despite them not being that great. Although the one Actor in this entire movie I can make fun of is Jon Voight because his character of course is a shady character who only cares about himself and yet they decide to bring him on, furthermore has a strange accent that I don't know if it's supposed to be a Spanish type of an accent or he's just doing his best impression of Al Pacino's Tony Montana from Scarface, I'm certain that he's supposed to be a South African poacher but doesn't really matter considering every time he's on screen, I'm still confused on his choice of accent moreover hoping if he's going to say to the snake "SAY HELLO, TO MY LITTLE FRIEND". Now having watched the movie, I'm a little curious on how the people who are terrified of snakes would react to watching a computer generated snake, though sure they would refuse to watch this movie of course, but when you tell them it’s a fake snake not the best looking snake I would love to see if they try and watch the movie, either way it would be funny to make them watch this movie only to be scared by a computer generated snake because the snakes in Raiders of the Lost Ark were a hundred percent real than the fake Anaconda. This is defiantly one movie I wouldn't recommend in fact this would explain why this kind of movie would be released in the springtime for 97, just to fill the gap of mediocre movies that would later come out, but then again it shows that Hollywood still hasn't changed a thing. And yet the sad thing is that this movie isn't even close to being a funny bad movie, furthermore, would prove why I wouldn't recommend anyone in wanting to watch this movie.