Blazin'

 

           I think after watching one of the most obnoxious and terrible b-movies of all time, The Amazing Bulk, that I would learn my lesson and not peruse a whole lot of B-Movies. But this movie, upon which I discovered out of Red-Letter Media's Best of the Worst, I had to make an exception for other bizarre reasons it has an over-the-top middle aged crazy woman who thinks she's a gangster and more importantly Fat Joe, hopefully everyone remembers Fat Joe right? Anyway, a fun fact is this is one of three films found in Osama bin Laden's house during the fateful Operation Neptune Spear in which he was assassinated. So, he may or may not have been laughing so hard or was stoned out of his mind while watching Blazin', granted I don't know because I wasn't there but I'm just assuming.

           Basically, a Romeo and Juliet story with the mix of hip hop and a trying attempted to make a movie but, just fails so badly that you get a great performance from a crazy woman. 

            Unlike The Amazing Bulk, which I declare as the worst non-movie I've ever seen or don't believe to be a movie and yet Tubi streams the damn movie. Straight Blazin is surprisingly one of the most fascinating B-movies I've ever seen almost close to like The Room standards. Although this is one of those films that yes it's hilariously bad but it's also embarrassing to see especially with all the actors in the movie, and yet after watching the movie I do wish to find a copy of this movie on eBay and hopefully ask Fat Joe to sign this but I doubt he cares all about the movie since the man is a big success in music. As crazy as this may sound I would highly recommend watching this movie not to anyone who’s ever watched weird B-movies like this but those who, if you’re a person who wants to get into the movie business and you don't have the good education to go on or working at dead end jobs but you want to make movies, hell like me for example who wants to direct movies, I truly believe this is a movie of great importin's to watch, in the sense of "DON'T DO THIS" sense. And like all bad independent movies go when you try and make a movie that's unintentionally bad, but with this film sure it's bad and funny, but it's so, embarrassing to even watch especially guys who are overly large and out of shape and for some reasons know kung fu or martial arts. And coming from someone whose grown up fat and out of shape, I would look silly trying to choregraph martial arts fights and logical sense if you’re trying to make a small, low budget action movie you need to do a lot of experimental shots to get those sequences right. And with this film I feel like the director has only scene Goodfellas and Reservoir Dogs, then after viewing those movies felt like "oh I can do that", but either way he just fails so miserably at almost everything I mean there are some decent ideas that would make it better but I would just be losing my mind thinking about. Hell, I almost feel like Walter White when he must put up with Jessie and after watching the movie and then looking at him goes "Did your mother drop you on your head when you were a baby? There is no way in hell we're going to get our money back from this", and I'm no expert I never claim myself to be a good reliable expert but watching this all the way through, makes me feel great inside with the belief of thanking the good lord that I didn't produce this movie because I would lose my mind. Speaking of thanking our good lord and savior, you know when you feel like your parents or family members are complete nut jobs well after watching this movie, I'm thankful my family members aren't that crazy as the old woman who plays a gangster? I looked up the actress who plays the Drug Lord in the movie and her name is Paula Roth moreover she's hands down the most entertaining part of the movie to the degree where she's playing a gangster who recently just be out of the insane asylum. Like I feel like the director of the movie recently visited a Shutter Island like asylum and visited this woman who was also off her meds and thought she would be perfect for the role. And she played the role like your mother who gets hysteric when Thanksgiving or Christmas Day is happening and all of your family members are all coming and she's losing her sh*t that's basically who she's playing, furthermore I'm so glad I have loving caring parents now (granted I've always been thankful) because I swear to you if my parents was like this actress I would literally be calling the guys in white jackets and tell my parents to put the long shirt on, because that's the kind of toxic family I would never in a million years want to be in. Now I'm trying to get into the film business and I didn't have the good film school education to get me there so, I have to rely on things that I've learned through TV as well as working with a camera of any kind so, a side from this movie being a entreatingly bad movie I would only recommend this movie to the people who want to lean filmmaking but more importantly this film is a good lesson in what you most certainly need when it comes to making a small low budget movie because whenever your actors are screaming at the top of their lungs for which either the boom mic is hitting red or the volume level is bursting to red hot then you need to tell your actors to tone down their voice or if your experimenting with scenes then you most certainly need a microphone or a boom mic to get the soundtrack of the dialogue. Also, you need ton of music to pad out the film, for which I'm sure you can always look for a composer for hire or a small-time musician who works around with a lot of band instruments, either way adding music to your film will make some good adjustments. And here's the most importantly lesson whenever you get the idea of using overweight men to experiment with a strange martial arts fight scene just don't, because I'm extremely fat and I can personally say that even I would look embarrassed as well as ridicules doing a kung fu style of fighting for fat people. So, if you’re a fan of strange, weird b-movies then this movie is strait of your alley and I would recommend watching it, hell that's why Tubi is the greatest streaming service for these bizarre and weird films. And if you’re a normal human being I would definitely say not to watch this movie, either way this film is a great observer for people who really want to get into the film business because this film is a great example of what you need when it comes to making a movie, as well as what not to do when making a movie. 

        

Ten Year Anniversary of The Martian

 

           This great human-interest story hasn't reached its ten-year mark yet. But I'm already at the point where I decided now is the time to discuss Ridley Scott's epic Science Fiction and greatest human story, as well as Matt Damon's greatest performance ever on screen. The Martian, by the time of the film’s release, I knew single handedly I wanted to see this movie because of course it's directed by Sir Ridley Scott, and one of the most bizarre collaborations with Matt Damon, for which yes like Christopher Nolan I'm going to see a movie directed by Ridley Scott no question. But out of this entire adventure comes one of the greatest films of 2015, but more importantly a human-interest story that shows, maybe humanity can strive for great things, especially the entire world working together saving one person in a dangerous deserted planet like Mars.

            When astronauts blast off from the planet Mars, they leave behind Mark Watney (Matt Damon), presumed dead after a fierce storm. With only a meager number of supplies, the stranded visitor must utilize his wits and spirit to find a way to survive on the hostile planet. Meanwhile, back on earth, members of NASA and a team of international scientists work tirelessly to bring him home, with his crew mates hatching their own plan for a daring rescue mission.

            “The Martian” is based off a 2011 Bestseller by Andy Weir. Andy Weir always wanted to be a science fiction writer, loved reading his grandfather's or father’s collection of science fiction books, though through course of his destination like most people wanting to accomplish their dream, had to find a profession to pay bills as well as food. And so, computer technician became his backup plan while trying to find time to write. Through the course of working through jobs Weir picked the time to finally write and do some research on NASA and life on Mars for which came to the concept of The Martian. Having been turned down by literary Agents, Weir decided to put the book online in a serial format, one chapter at a time on his website. While Weir's book has been hitting some great views, fans requested Weir to have the book for full access so Andy made the decision to publish the book on Amazon Kindle for about .99 cents (the minimum allowable price he could set). With 35,000 copies sold as well as launching success for Andy Weir as well as movie release the rest became success. Even after watching the movie for the first time, I decided to buy the book, and it literally became my favorite book to read so that I couldn't stop reading the book. Ten years later the movie alone is still the great and tremendous movie that uplifts you’re spirit that you'd never expect to feel. But more importantly this provides a protagonist that's unlike any protagonist I've ever experienced, for which people for sure compare the movie and book to the movie Cast Away, but this is a lone survivor against all the odds against him and yet he's still able to keep himself calm and still have a sense of humor in the situation he's in. For which, who doesn't respect a man who makes fun of Disco music, I mean that scene of actor Chiwetel Ejiofor worried about Matt Damon's character, and then we brilliantly transition to Damon listening to "Turn the beat around" express his dislike for Disco music, still gives me the chuckles because if I was stranded on Mars having listen to nothing but Taylor Swift music or Adelle, even I would be worrying about my sanity. Hands down the most amazing thing about the movie is the realistic ton and look of Mars, granted it's science fiction but also shows a great tone of what would Mars would look like if NASA traveled to a planet like Mars because really we all don't know what Mars would look like other than it's a desolate planet with no possible way to grow or colonize it so shooting scenes in the Jordan dessert of Wahi Rum is a fantastic choice to shoot the exterior scenes for The Martian. A lot of people will obviously say that Matt Damon's best performance is either Good Will Hunting or Jason Bourne, but for me personally Damon's performance in the Martian is his greatest performance as an actor, granted his playing a character based on a book but the way he's able to not play a miserable/lonely astronaut but a scared to calm astronaut with a sense of humor is really a breath of fresh air and for great reasons we've never seen that type of stranded character before and Damon being able to bring Andy Weir's character of Mark Watney to life is both great as well as showing great emotion range at the same time especially in scenes where he's all by himself with no one to talk to and then hearing his crew member's during that scene of him getting of Mars is just incredible acting on his part and let's be honest Matt Damon is an excellent crier, we can all agree on that. Though Matt Damon isn't the only person that makes this movie in epic film, he also has a list of great actors like Jessica Chastain, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Sean Bean and Jeff Daniels does a fantastic job playing a political NASA director that's always playing it way to safe, you know the typical guy you'd have to put up with knowing he's your boss type character. But Kristen Wiig does a fantastic job in the movie not doing so much comedy though in all fairness she's being directed by a well accomplished filmmaker, just like Seth Rogen doing a fantastic job in the movie Steve Jobs when the only reason the man did a great job because he's directed by Danny Boyle and acting from a screenplay by Aaron Sorkin. Close to ten years of the film’s release and it's still to this day in my opinion one of the greatest and beautiful human interests story's ever to be put on screen, and I usually don't say that a lot when it comes to movies, but when you see two nations like U.S. and China with their space programs coming together to help one man is just great and something special about it because really when you take a look at the world is now, you realize the crash course of reality but the entire world coming together as one to in the hopes of one astronaut escaping the hostile environments of Mars is somewhat of a beautiful thing in hopes that maybe humanity can come together as one. And really that's always been the human instinct that has always been engraved in all of us, and really the movie is set in 2035 so maybe in the next ten years will see NASA or all of the space programs coming together and building a space program to explore mars, and at the age I am I do hope that becomes a possibility. After watching the movie I'm now considering reading the book again because it's a great read as well as addicting to ready because all I remember while at work, helping a broadcast in the two minutes of spare time I would constantly read the book just because of how funny and a great read it was so, if you love any Matt Damon movies or your like me and watch all of Ridley Scott's films then I would highly recommend watching the Martian but also read Andy Weir's The Martian after watching the film, or you can read the book before watching the movie whichever comes first. 

           

Twisted Metal (TV Show)

 

              Now if it we're me and this is just my opinion I would totally change NASCAR into a battle ground where all racers are shooting at each other as well as blowing each other’s cars, while turning left. Though we're not living in a post-apocalyptic world so I guess, discussing the first-two seasons of Twisted Metal on Peacock streaming service, will do. If you’re not familiar with Peacock basically the streaming service for NBC, along with Universal Studio's films as well as Peacock films and shows and surprisingly enough Twisted Metal based on the popular PlayStation game series is a binge worthy show worth watching. 

               Set somewhere in 2002 or 2005 where all the world has gone to shambles, but CDs are a gold mind for anyone who has a car. John Doe and Quiet (Anthony Mackie and Stephanie Beatriz) two unlikely lovers on a quest of redemption as well as participating in a tournament of battle cars. But more importantly there's a killer clown that could makes Joaquin Phoenix's Joker look like a week WAP, if you catch my meaning.

               If you want a good description of what the game of Twisted Metal is to get a clear idea on the show. Basically think of Mad Max in a Video game form which is clearly what Twisted Metal is when you think about it and more importantly you don't necessary need to play the games in order to get into the movie because once I decided to watch the show I basically kept in open mind going in and a result, a surprisingly great, entertaining show that provides great character development from both actors Anthony Mackie and Stephanie Beatriz who both show great chemistry together, as well as great character growth through the course of each season. Granted Mackie and Beatriz are great, but the real scene stealer is both Samoa Joe and Will Arnett, together brings the iconic Sweet Tooth to life and I'm not going to lie both men do a fantastic job at bringing the voice as well as the physic of his killer personality. Aside from some scenes getting way to dark, especially some of the first seasons, it does have some great comedic moments as well as bringing out some great 90's and 2000's nostalgia music to the show as well and I think it does bring a great balance between the dark as well as the comedy. Defiantly, an entertaining show with a span of 30 minutes per episode with great character development and great action and for certainly one of the best Television shows I ever seen on a streaming service so, if you have Peacock and love cars as well as action, then I would highly recommend watching Twisted Metal for you'll for certain, have the craving to listen Rob Zombie's Dragula. 

Days of Thunder

 

               In one of the rare few times, I never thought I would decide to watch an early nineties Tom Cruise movie. Although this was a movie I had never seen and thought it couldn’t be worse, right? Well, this was one of those things when you get feel like you've seen the exact same story line from a past Tom Cruise movie well, this is most certainly that movie only this time it's about NASCAR one of the most boring sporting events on the planet. Furthermore, I should thank NASCAR after watching this movie because it gives me every reason to hate the sport even more. Hell, if you’re going to create a racing event where all they must do is turn left, for f**ksake give some excitement like put some ramps on the track or something because after watching Days of Thunder I slowly realize that even NASCAR drivers are complete douches. 

               Basically, the same storyline to Top Gun only this time yes, it's about NASCAR drivers two guys don't like one another then Tom Cruise has a love affair with a young up and coming actress in Nicole Kidman. When the two bros kiss and make up (literally) Tom Cruise has another douche-bag rivalry in Cary Elwes and well in the end Tom Cruise wins Daytona again it's a NASCAR movie, so they obviously must have Tom Cruise win. 

               Look I love a good quality racing movie, in fact I'm big fan of the movie Rush by Ron Howard and Ford v. Ferrarri directed by James Mangold. But let's be frank, this is NASCAR, basically turning left as well as changing lanes every 50 laps as well as years of my life, hell I don't even know how our fellow Southerners ever can get into this sport to be honest. Now keep in mind I did give this movie a chance, this was one of those days where I literally was bored and didn't find anything better to watch but, although now I'm really glad to of watched and experienced the movie because once again NASCAR proves to me why I hate the sport and more importantly hate Days of Thunder. I really wished that this movie wasn't a carbon copy of Top Gun and really if you haven't watched this movie from start to finish this movie is a lazy draft of Top Gun, basically using the same hot shot driver who has no experience in stock car driving and through the course of the movie these two rivals Tom Cruise and Michael Rooker battle each other off the track both wheelchair battle and then renting cars for which both douches literally damaged in which if I was that person who owned those cars I would tell those a**holes to pay up right now. Then Cruise has another rivalry in Cary Elwes, and the two men begin to bond, look either way this movie has one to many elements of it being the exact replica of Top Gun that's when I slowly begin to realize on how bad this movie is going to suck. Apparently and due to the sources I browsed through there were a lot of arguments going on between producers, Tony Scott and writer of Days of Thunder battle out in terms of arguments for which nothing was getting done and all the crew were sitting around watching this Soap Opera, for which explains a lot moreover there was no finished script during the course of filming and Tom Cruise while filming himself in the car had to rely on cue cards attached to the windshields, and even reading about this just hurts my brain and I don't know about you but I find that sad and say we're not going to film anything until we get a good script, but I'm no Tony Scott so, I guess that doesn't matter. I would love to continue about how bad this movie was but, hell I don't even know what to tell you or how to explain some of these scenes especially when Tom Cruise through the course of the movie is such a dumba** and gets into situations where you'd have to cringe. A side from the fact that this movie is on Hulu I would strongly advise you not to watch Days of Thunder especially if you’re a fan of NASCAR fan, and even if you're a lonely woman, look there other movies to be turned on by besides a young Tom Cruise I would imagine, all you just have to do is look around and find something at least hell just watch all the Thor films for a good start and then find something else because those movies would be ten times better than Days of Thunder. And in all fairness this movie came out in 1990 and in about two years Rob Reiner would hire Cruise to play Lawyer/Naval Officer in A Few Good Men, so I would imagine Reiner after seeing this movie pull Cruise a side and told him "look Tom I seen your film Days of Thunder and I hate to tell you that movie sucked, so the good news right now is that I got a movie role that will launch your career and out of the young hotshot douche", though I'm not a fortune teller but I would love to believe that was the conversation between Reiner and Cruise, upon which Cruise still hasn't changed at all and A Few Good Men for me is still my only favorite Tome Cruise movie.